Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Haircut and a Hiatus

Yesterday I got my hair cut to shoulder length. I've done this countless times in my life, but this particular time was heavier for me. It was more emotional and symbolic than other times. My hair is super heavy and thick, so when I wear it long for too many years, I get frustrated with always putting it in a pony tail because it's too time-consuming to style, so I cut it short.

Plus, Daisy keeps grabbing it and pulling it out. It doesn't hurt (I think I lost my hair nerves a long time ago), but it's frustrating because she's got a tight grip!

So Saturday afternoon Zane kept Daisy, and I got my hair cut. I felt like Anne of Green Gables when she has to cut her hair after dying it green. I felt like Jo March after cutting her hair short and selling it. I gave away my youth. I let the final blow fall on acting.

Acting? What does a haircut have to do with acting?

I've been missing acting a LOT lately. Every show and movie I watch, I think, "I could do that. I want to do that." I started having dreams of being on set (although in my dream I couldn't remember my lines...not fun). I've been scanning castings, but all in vain, because I can't act while I have a nursing baby, and now I don't look like my headshot.

It doesn't seem like a big deal, but I haven't cut my hair short in so long, because I wanted to maintain the same look that I have in my headshot:

(It's important to look like your headshot, because casting directors expect that exact person to walk into the audition.)

Probably by the time my hair grows back out, Daisy will be weaned, and I might actually have time to pursue small film projects, but there you have it. I felt a sense of loss with every snip of the scissors. My acting dreams are put on hold again, not because of a swollen pregnant belly, but because of a sweet little baby.

I've wanted to be a mother so much more than I ever wanted to be an actress, so I'm not resentful. I LOVE Daisy, and I love breastfeeding her, so it's a totally legitimate reason to not be acting.

But, I guess I liked the idea that with long hair I could still go to an audition if I wanted to. Oh well.

Hopefully, I'll look like that headshot when I start up again, but if not, I'll just get new headshots. Maybe I won't be cast as a teen in a couple years anyways. One good thing about acting is there's always a need for people of every age.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying the fruits of my labors in previous projects. The Wind is going to be playing TWICE in the Orlando Film Festival!! Here's the link for more information and ticketing. Pretty awesome! I'll be in Georgia that weekend, but if you're in Orlando, you should check it out. I am super proud of this film, and I hope that it gets an award. But even if it doesn't, it's a HUGE honor to be in the festival, let alone twice!
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