Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Two Thank You's

I've been thinking this over for a long time and the best way to say it is this:

First, thank you to everyone - each person - in our lives who has cried with us, listened to us and supported us during two and a half years of infertility. Every new person who shared with us your personal story has encouraged us and given us hope, even when life seemed hopeless.

Thank you to everyone who believed we would become pregnant one day. You believed it when I didn't or couldn't.

Thank you for everyone who prayed for us. There were many times I cried out in desperation to God to give us a child, but there were so many more times that I couldn't. I was too tired or bitter or depressed to ask anymore. But you guys didn't stop asking. You prayed for us consistently, some of you daily, for months and years. How can I ever thank you?

God said yes.

After nearly 30 months of failure, confirming that we have no control over our own fertility, God allowed us to conceive. He's given us a baby, safely growing in my tummy.

Only He can truly open the womb. He's the only one who allows a timely ovulation. He's the only one who makes sure that little sperm gets all the way to the egg. He's the one who oversees a little baby egg to implant in the proper place. There are so many miracles in conception - and only He can make them happen.

We didn't do anything different. We just waited (not necessarily patiently).

Thanksgiving 2011
Baby Kennedy due 6-29-12
Photo by Eddy Badrina

Second, thank you for your joy. When Zane and I found out we were pregnant, we didn't jump for joy. We were afraid. We were in disbelief. We were scared of miscarriage. We weren't exactly happy, because we couldn't believe that we were actually pregnant.

It wasn't until we shared our news that we started to experience joy.

To those who we told in person or on the phone, I treasure in my heart each of your reactions to our news. The hugs, tears, gasps, screams, shouts, looks of shock, exclamation points, fist-pumps - they're all in my memory, and I replay them frequently. I don't know if I've ever been as excited about a pregnancy as you all have been about mine. I don't deserve it. My heart is overflowing with joy because of your love and care and excitement for us.

Every new word of congratulations reminds me of what an awesome miracle this is. How long we've waited for it, and how it's really real.

Nine week ultrasound done the day before Thanksgiving.

Here's our little 2.19 centimeter nugget. We saw his/her heart beating at 180 beats per minute. Zane and I couldn't speak, we just stared at our baby with tears in our eyes, completely in awe.

Baby Kennedy is ten weeks today.

Thank you for your prayers, for your joy, and for your continued support as we figure out how to be parents. I'm discovering a lot of things about myself as I wrap my mind around this miracle. I'll share them with you in the next days.

Finally, thanks for your patience with my blog silence. I discovered that it was really hard to write without sharing my little secret.

"He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord." Psalm 113:9

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

On My Sprained Ankle

I have lived a very safe life. Until Friday, I had never broken, fractured, sprained or twisted anything.

Friday night I was walking down a dark staircase on my way to Zane's brother's rehearsal dinner, and I missed the last stair. Instead of tripping and laughing and going on with my life, I rolled my ankle inward, and landed in a heap of silent tears. It was painful.

That's the bad news, but here's the good news:

  • I missed a step on the short flight of stairs before a landing. I could have missed a step on the longer flight and fell down the whole thing. 
  • Zane's grandparents were in front of me, but had already turned the corner. I could have taken them with me if they had been closer or I had missed a stair on the long flight. 
  • I only sprained an ankle. No breaks, no head injuries, no any other bad thing. 

The rest of the weekend was spent with people carrying me around, mostly my burly husband. Thank the Lord for him. I even danced a little at the wedding on my good leg.

Siblings! Us with the bride and groom at the rehearsal dinner. I love being friends with family. 

This injury has also exposed two flaws in my character.:

  1. I don't like asking for help. I like being able to do stuff on my own, but I physically cannot do things right now. It's pretty humbling. 
  2. I'm embarrassed by my disability. Zane and I went to Bealls on Saturday, and he wheeled me around in a wheelchair. I was so embarrassed to be in a wheelchair! Then I felt ashamed for being embarrassed! 
Everyone has been so helpful to me. I can't thank them enough. Zane carried me around and took really good care of me Sunday night, when my exhaustion was at it's peak. He unpacked for us and helped me shower and wrapped my foot with ice. I'm so blessed to have a husband like him. 

Monday was rough. My body was already tired from the weekend of holding onto Zane, while he carried me. We only own one crutch, so getting ready for work was really difficult. Then getting to my desk was even more difficult. I just sat there and cried. My dear coworker was so sweet and wheeled me around at work. She arranged to get me another crutch and suggested that I take Tuesday and Wednesday off to recuperate, so that's just what I'm doing. 

My mom has also been really helpful while Zane is at work. I am seriously blessed to live so close to family. 

Here I am in bed on Tuesday. I slept all morning, which is a pretty good indication of how tired my body is. My arms, my good leg, even my torso muscles ache from all the extra work they've been doing to get me around the last five days. My ankle isn't as swollen as it was, so hopefully I'll be back to walking by the end of the week. 

It's such a minor injury, but it has major effects on one's life. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Prepare for Trouble!

And make it double!

To protect the world from devastation.
To unite all peoples within our nation. 

To denounce the evils of truth and love. 
To extend our reach to the stars above. 


Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!
Surrender now or prepare to fight!

Meowth! That's right!

A side view of my Jessie fascinator.

Best quote of the night from a middle-school aged trick or treater, "Pokemon was my favorite game for...well, it still is!" We encouraged him in his gaming.