Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Two Thank You's

I've been thinking this over for a long time and the best way to say it is this:

First, thank you to everyone - each person - in our lives who has cried with us, listened to us and supported us during two and a half years of infertility. Every new person who shared with us your personal story has encouraged us and given us hope, even when life seemed hopeless.

Thank you to everyone who believed we would become pregnant one day. You believed it when I didn't or couldn't.

Thank you for everyone who prayed for us. There were many times I cried out in desperation to God to give us a child, but there were so many more times that I couldn't. I was too tired or bitter or depressed to ask anymore. But you guys didn't stop asking. You prayed for us consistently, some of you daily, for months and years. How can I ever thank you?

God said yes.

After nearly 30 months of failure, confirming that we have no control over our own fertility, God allowed us to conceive. He's given us a baby, safely growing in my tummy.

Only He can truly open the womb. He's the only one who allows a timely ovulation. He's the only one who makes sure that little sperm gets all the way to the egg. He's the one who oversees a little baby egg to implant in the proper place. There are so many miracles in conception - and only He can make them happen.

We didn't do anything different. We just waited (not necessarily patiently).

Thanksgiving 2011
Baby Kennedy due 6-29-12
Photo by Eddy Badrina

Second, thank you for your joy. When Zane and I found out we were pregnant, we didn't jump for joy. We were afraid. We were in disbelief. We were scared of miscarriage. We weren't exactly happy, because we couldn't believe that we were actually pregnant.

It wasn't until we shared our news that we started to experience joy.

To those who we told in person or on the phone, I treasure in my heart each of your reactions to our news. The hugs, tears, gasps, screams, shouts, looks of shock, exclamation points, fist-pumps - they're all in my memory, and I replay them frequently. I don't know if I've ever been as excited about a pregnancy as you all have been about mine. I don't deserve it. My heart is overflowing with joy because of your love and care and excitement for us.

Every new word of congratulations reminds me of what an awesome miracle this is. How long we've waited for it, and how it's really real.

Nine week ultrasound done the day before Thanksgiving.

Here's our little 2.19 centimeter nugget. We saw his/her heart beating at 180 beats per minute. Zane and I couldn't speak, we just stared at our baby with tears in our eyes, completely in awe.

Baby Kennedy is ten weeks today.

Thank you for your prayers, for your joy, and for your continued support as we figure out how to be parents. I'm discovering a lot of things about myself as I wrap my mind around this miracle. I'll share them with you in the next days.

Finally, thanks for your patience with my blog silence. I discovered that it was really hard to write without sharing my little secret.

"He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord." Psalm 113:9

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