Monday, April 2, 2012

Seeing Two Lines

I didn't talk about being pregnant on here until I was pretty far along, so I never really shared my pregnancy discovery story with you guys. But I'm going to now. Some of this might be TMI, because I discuss my menstruation expectation, so read with caution.

We weren’t necessarily trying that month. We were always “trying,” but we hadn’t done anything differently. I was expecting my period on the weekend, and I ended up testing on Friday morning, because I was anxious. I often tested before my period, because the tests I had were early detection tests. They detected 10 mlU/ml/hCG, which is really early. The text came back negative. All I had to do was wait for my period.

Friday I ended up having cramps and spotting, so I figured my full-on period would come on Saturday. But Saturday and Sunday brought nothing.

Sunday afternoon we went out to lunch with friends who have kids. It was really emotionally hard for me that day. I remember laying down to take a nap and praying out my feelings. I cried some, not sobs, but just tears. I said something to God like, "I really want you to give me a kid. I don't want to try to manipulate you out of my sorrow, like 'make my sadness go away.' I just really want a baby." Then I fell asleep.

Monday, October 24th, at work, I looked up implantation, because I know that you can spot when the egg implants. In all my years of research, I hadn't ever learned that hCG doesn’t start to build in your system until after implantation. Since I spotted after my test on Friday, I thought there was a possibility. When I got home, I tested right away.

There were two lines.

I started crying, sobbing. I was shaking and sobbing and saying, “Oh my God” over and over again. I ran for my camera and took a picture of the test with shaky hands. Rufio chased me around the house, probably wondering what was wrong with me. I couldn’t stop crying. After a while, I started alternating, “Is this real? Please let it be real!” in between my “Oh my God”’s.

It was 3:30pm. I texted Zane. He wasn’t going to be home until 6pm. Three hours before I could tell someone!

Then I started to worry that it was a false positive. I searched the type of pregnancy test I had, and apparently false positives occur if hCG levels are lower than 25. Since my test detected 10, I drove up to Walgreens and looked for the non-early detection tests. The plus sign showed up immediately on that one too.

I busied myself in the kitchen baking for a work party and making chili for dinner, but after I was finished I was anxious for Zane to get home. I sat on the couch and watched the driveway.

I don't know how long it took, but Zane finally arrived. I opened the door and welcomed him home, gauging his mood. It seemed good. We walked to the kitchen, and I held up the ziplock bag that contained the two positive tests.

He stared at it for a moment before saying, “What does that mean?”

(Later I learned that he originally thought I was holding up a negative test and was preparing himself for a hard night, but then he saw the two lines).

I shrugged and smiled. He smiled, “Really?” I nodded and shrugged. Then he came around and hugged me and we both got teary eyed. I cried a little more.

We were both in shock. Neither of us said it right away, but we both were waiting for the bad news. We were so used to bad news, we couldn’t believe that there wasn’t something following this. We ate dinner and just kind of talked it over saying, “I can’t believe it.” a lot.

We told our parents that night, which are two different stories of their own.

I hope you enjoyed this peek into our lives last October. We were pretty scared and shocked, but in the last six months, 99% of that has faded away. We're so excited to meet Daisy now that I only get afraid of bad news every once in a while. I think it's hard to ever let the possibility of bad news leave my mind. There's aways that chance, not that we should dwell on it. I'm prayerfully expecting a great delivery and a healthy baby girl.

Thanks again to all of you for your prayers throughout this whole crazy endeavor!
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