Saturday, April 21, 2012

Paradox of Pregnancy Feelings

I feel like I'm always talking about pregnancy, which was something that used to tick me off about pregnant people. Again with "the what goes around comes around" thing. It's hard to forget I'm pregnant, though, and much of my life is consumed with preparing for this baby. This musing is about the paradox of feelings that I have about being pregnant.

Pregnancy isn't comfortable. I think that the curse on women for pain in childbirth extends to all things related to childbirth: menstruation, pregnancy, labor and delivery, raising babies.

But I love being pregnant. I love my belly more as it gets bigger. I love feeling her inside of me! Sometimes I feel like my pregnancy is going too fast. I'm already seven months! I'm sad to think about packing away my maternity clothes in a little while.

But I'm also looking forward to having my body back, even if it's never quite the same. It'll be nice to move furniture, sit on the floor easily, sleep on my back, and be more comfortable in other ways.

But I love food! I don't want to go back to not liking it.

But I'm excited to see Daisy, to hold her, to get to know her personality. There are also lots of other things in life to explore and pursue after Daisy comes into this world.

But I get a little worried about life becoming all about Daisy. People are really nice to you when you're pregnant, and I love all the positive attention. I have this fear that I'll be in the hospital after delivery, an exhausted bloody mess, and everyone will be ooing and awing over Daisy - including me - but no one will say "Good job, Deb!" (That probably won't happen, but it's a fear, and most my mom friends have said that I won't care when the time comes).

But then I also think, "Wow, I get to bring so many people joy, because I'll be the one bringing her into the world!" No one else can deliver Daisy but me, and that makes me so excited! What a privilege!

The other day told Zane I couldn't wait to be skinny again. Ten minutes later I said that pregnancy was going by too quickly. It's the paradox of pregnancy. I love that I am finally experiencing something that I've wanted my entire life. The delayed gratification has made it all the more special.
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