M. Balsamina

Momordica Balsamina is what has been plotting to destroy my azalea bushes. I love my azaleas. I hate invasive vines. See, they've been creeping into our garden for some time, and we'd been saying, "We should get those vines off so they don't destroy the azaleas." 

I didn't get fully motivated until I saw this out the window one day:

At first, I was all like, "What's that orange thing." After a closer look, I was more like, "AH!!!! Aliens!!!" Is that not the creepiest thing you've ever seen? It gets worse - inside are bright red gooey eggs...I mean seeds. It's seriously a plant right out of Pandora. 

It wasn't too hard to figure out what kind of vine it was. All I did was search "invasive vine orange fruit Florida." 

First I found this: 

via

via

Once I had the official plant name, I searched "Momordique Balsamine" to find the Wikipedia page. Everything I found was pretty positive about the vine, but I know better. I don't care if Thomas Jefferson planted it in his garden, those vines were trying to ruin my azaleas. 

After seeing several more orange pods. I decided it couldn't wait any longer. Monday after work, I threw on my gardening gloves and tore all those vines out. I went gangster and called them names I can't write here. Just kidding. Kind of. They were even wrapped around our AC unit thing that we paid 1K for last summer. If there was a time for name-calling, this was it. 

As I worked, Rufio played nearby, collecting as many dried leaves in his fur as he possibly could. He was overdue for a bath anyways. 

Unfortunately, I think the vines have rooted themselves pretty well. As I was stuffing them in the bag, I heard a distant voice say, "You haven't seen the last of me..." I thought it was the wind, but now I'm sure it was all those little red seeds that had already buried themselves before I could get to them. 

Just like any superhero, my job is never done. 

If I had a dollar for every dream I've had about weed pulling/weed extermination, I'd have enough money to hire someone to pull them for me. It's torturing my life, even my subconscious.