Scroogin' around the Xmas Tree
In the past Christmas has been my favorite part of year. I don't really like cold weather, but I do love the nostalgia, sweetness and magical nature of the holiday. Christmas is special. It's Rudolph and Elf and Ernest P. Worrel. It's advent and carols and nativity scenes. It's reciting Luke 2 and eating egg souflee with family.
This year, I wasn't very excited. I'm not very excited. I'm feeling like a lesser version of Scrooge. I started the Christmas season with negativity. I thought I had stopped giving myself deadlines for children, but apparently I hadn't. In addition to my weird body situation, I felt tremendous sense of apathy and pain in pulling out our Christmas decorations. It wasn't exciting for me, because it's another year without a kid or hope for one.
More evidence of becoming more real - I had an epiphany about how many people in the world are suffering at Christmas. My guess is that there are more people who associated Christmas with pain than with joy, especially for those who have lost loved ones, or are estranged from them, or are otherwise separated from them.
I'm getting a little more excited for Christmas as I purchase everyone's gifts. It was fun to cross stitch for my sisters. It'll be fun to be with family. The Christmas parties have been a fun diversion as well.
I've already processed this internally, and I'm not wallowing away at home. I'm not feeling as anti-Christmas or even as painful as I felt earlier, but I'm also not as full of Christmas spirit as I have been in the past. Maybe it's just part of growing up.
Okay seriously - I'm not trying to be pitiful here, I'm just sharing thoughts.
This year, I wasn't very excited. I'm not very excited. I'm feeling like a lesser version of Scrooge. I started the Christmas season with negativity. I thought I had stopped giving myself deadlines for children, but apparently I hadn't. In addition to my weird body situation, I felt tremendous sense of apathy and pain in pulling out our Christmas decorations. It wasn't exciting for me, because it's another year without a kid or hope for one.
More evidence of becoming more real - I had an epiphany about how many people in the world are suffering at Christmas. My guess is that there are more people who associated Christmas with pain than with joy, especially for those who have lost loved ones, or are estranged from them, or are otherwise separated from them.
I'm getting a little more excited for Christmas as I purchase everyone's gifts. It was fun to cross stitch for my sisters. It'll be fun to be with family. The Christmas parties have been a fun diversion as well.
I've already processed this internally, and I'm not wallowing away at home. I'm not feeling as anti-Christmas or even as painful as I felt earlier, but I'm also not as full of Christmas spirit as I have been in the past. Maybe it's just part of growing up.
Okay seriously - I'm not trying to be pitiful here, I'm just sharing thoughts.
Comments
This student's parents just got a divorce & it was really ugly. The mother & the student's Aunt are cursing & sending extremely hurtful and full of lies texts to this student. All about the divorce. This student is one of the most caring, sweetest, full of joy people and this is what this student is carying on their shoulders this season.
I am in NO way diminishing your situation. I just totally agree with your epiphany about how pain & suffering is associated w/Christmas for many people.
And it makes my heart sad. It has been motivating me more to attend to my prayer life. Thanks for sharing friend :).
Again, I don't mean to stalk ya, but I saw this post and had to respond. :)
I was JUST thinking how much more exciting and fun the holidays were when I was little. There was so much to look forward to. I think now, as adults, we're so burdened with worries and doubts that we never had before.
It's a wonderful but tough season. I hope you feel encouraged daily by friends and family and get a back a little of the child-like joy of the holidays.
I hope I do, too! :)
Lisa
- Bethany