Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Joy All Around

Joy, joy everywhere, and not a drop to drink.

I don't have enough fingers to count how many of my friends and acquaintances are pregnant right now. Many of them struggled with seasons of infertility. Some did not. All of them are excited to be mothers. Praise the Lord.

In the purest, most selfless part of my heart, I feel joy and excitement for my friends. For the ones who have faced infertility, I feel an extra sense of hope for their babies. I'm proud that they have achieved pregnancy through God's grace.

But, after the joy settles, my mind returns to self. I grieve. I wonder why. I resent. I resign. I may even "hide" on Facebook.

If I feel the need, I cry. After that release of emotion, I pray. I pray for them. I pray for myself. I pray that I don't let this become a stumbling block.

I also preach to myself, as we all do. Today it's this verse:

"We also pray that you will be strengthened with His glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father, who has enabled you to share the inheritance that belongs to God's holy people, who live in the light." Colossians 1:11-12

I may not be filled with a bundle of joy right now, but I can be filled with a joy that permeates pain.
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